Why Are We So Angry?



If you are anything thing like most people, your formative years may have been very difficult. With each failure in life, you may have grown angrier and angrier until you had the reputation of being a hot head or someone to stay away from. If that is you, I have very good news for you! You don’t have to take any more anger management classes, you don’t need psychotherapy, you don’t need to do any exercises like counting to ten or rolling your tongue around inside your mouth. The answer to overcoming being a rageaholic can be found in two words: Forgive yourself.

Let me explain. We all have made some serious mistakes in our lives. With each mistake, comes an element of shame. As more mistakes are made, the shame begins to compound, much like compound interest. The end result of compound interest is that you end up with more money that what you started with, and in some cases, a lot more money. Such is the case with compound shame, as each mistake is made, you tend to feel more and more shame until you are dealing with a mountain of shame. This shame causes a lot of anger in a person’s mind. We begin to lash out at others, especially if we feel threatened. This shame/anger/rage may also give way to anxiety and panic.

But how can forgiving myself deal with shame and anger? You might ask. Well, let me explain what happened with a friend of mine and his wife several months ago. There was a pattern developing between the two of them. Something would happen and he would go off like a fire cracker. It was happening about every two weeks. He would apologize, ask forgiveness and after a week or so, they seemed to be getting along great. But, by about the second week, almost to the day of the full two weeks, something would set him off and he would be raging again. The last episode, which was a little over two months ago, saw him pounding his fist on their kitchen counter and yelling at his wife. His wife was so dumbfounded by his violent behavior, he told me that she immediately picked up the phone book and started looking for doctors to get him help.

He was advised by a good friend that he needed to forgive himself. I must say, I have seen both him and his wife and they are getting along great. He hasn’t raged in about two months and has a lot more peace and acceptance of himself.

Another factor in alleviating anger is to make sure you are doing what God wants you to do. By that I mean, if you are a singer or some other type of artist and you are trying to become a counselor, or some other vocation, you may find yourself expending energy and time trying to be what you are not called to be. It’s like trying to be something that you are just not cut out to do. Let me explain. I know a gifted friend of mine who loved to make websites, yet made very little money doing so. This person was very good at writing stories and songs, but, because of his desire to make websites, he spent little time, ‘stirring up the gift’ that God gave him. He was growing more and more miserable until he lashed out at God, demanding to know why, after training courses, purchasing themes, plugins, etc., that he still had not made any money in two years.

God told him point blank that his gift was in writing and not in web design. That he could have written several books had he not spent his time trying to drum up something within himself that was not there. God went on to tell him that his sites didn’t look that great either.

So, here is a man who devoted two years to a non-working venture only to make himself upset and frustrated for doing something that he was not called to do.

If you are wondering what your purpose in life is supposed to be, look for what you are good at and enjoy doing and go for it. Make sure that it is truly what you are cut out to do. Don’t fool yourself by thinking that it is something you love, when doing so brings little or no income. We all have to survive on this planet and that requires money. Just thought I would share.